Jun. 8, 2006 – Originally published by CNC, Inc.

Flounder, Mulching, And Other Signs Of Summer

Well, summertime is here, and the livin’ is... dreary. Hopefully, by the time you read this our continent will have dried out a little, and w can locate our sunglasses in the junk drawer, dust the cobwebs off, and resume wearing them. For right now, however, it has been raining for months, and I have yet to buy a new umbrella. I’ve carried so many newspapers over my head as a makeshift umbrella, that if the news could just seep into my head through my scalp, I’d be the most informed person on the planet.

As the weather hopefully returns to normal, I face the usual summer challenges - what to do with the kids. Now, all teenagers should have a job by now, if you were on the ball and made them pin down employment back in April or May. I did not do that. Now, I am trying to get my teenage son a job. He is more interested in lying on the couch. You know those conversations that take place when you are aggravated and they are half asleep, that go nowhere? Here’s an example:

ME: (lugging bags of trash to the front door) When are you going to see about getting a job for the summer? School has already been out for a week!

TEEN: (yawning, reaching for a potato chip, giving up because it is too far away) Soon, Mom. I help out a lot around here, you know (rolls over on his side to get more comfortable). You could pay me for that, you know. That’s employment.

ME: (wiping sweat off my face, beginning to strip wallpaper) Life isn’t like this, you know? You have to pay your own way, become a man! The first step is a summer job! Can you answer our phone? It’s ringing, right next to your head.

TEEN: They’ll leave a message. (Yawns). I am not going to have an office job. I am going to live at the Cape and fish. And sell the fish I catch. For shillings. I’ll sell flounder for shillings.

ME: (wiping up a doggy accident while I balance a load of towels on my head) You’re too laid back! And, what time did you get in last night? We’ve got to get your act together!

TEEN: (laughing lazily, eyes beginning to shut again, ready for late-morning nap) What kind of job do I need to prepare me for fishing at the Cape? Can you get me a Coke?

ME: (exploding, PMS and exhaustion coursing through my system at the same time) Get up! That’s it! Go mulch the front yard!

TEEN: (rolling off the couch and onto floor, where he snuggles up with cat, who is only too happy to snuggle back... I could strangle them both) Where’s the shovel? Dad couldn’t find it last week. I think it was last week. Call him and see where it is, and if he knows, I’ll mulch. (Grins sleepily at cat, who purrs appreciatively back)

ME: You call him! How is your life going to turn out with this attitude? (Sound of cell phone vibrating, skittering across our hardwood floor)

TEEN: (jumping up, dislodging irritated cat, looking around wildly) Is that my phone? Do you see it? Mom, where’s my phone?

TEEN: (answering phone, which is wrapped in a sweat sock; I don’t even ask): Hey, what’s up? Yep, I’m ready. Give me five minutes - I’m in! Can we stop by Wendy’s? Cool! (Gets up and runs full speed up stairs.) Mom, can I have some money for Wendy’s? Love ya!

ME: (smiling slowly, reduced to petty victories in the summer teenage struggles) I put a $10 bill at the bottom of the mulch pile - when you mulch, you win! Have a great time! Best of luck with that fishing thing!

In conclusion, hopefully he’ll get a job and help out more with chores and the summer will just fly by. And on the plus side, when I’m older, and I need some flounder, apparently, I’ll have a connection. So, things aren’t all bad!