Jan. 5, 2006 – Originally published by CNC, Inc.

2006 New Year’s Resolutions Close To Your Own

All right, readers, now that the holidays are past and 2006 is here, I thought that I would take a moment and make some New Year’s resolutions. Here’s my own list for your preview - check it out! It might be really close to your own.

Resolution #1: Stop hiding when the trash trucks come. Hey, it’s my trash, and I’m okay with that, from here on out! No more hiding behind the drapes when they screech to a stop at my house and begin to unload our cracked, broken trash cans and our always-untied Hefty bags. (If someone is over, I pretend I can’t find my keys so we can’t leave - although they are always puzzled as to why I am suddenly dodging and weaving when we’re in front of my windows. I pretend to just be spontaneously doing a little playful boxing with them.) This is who we are, darn it, and we’re gonna celebrate it!

Resolution #2:Start hiding when door-to-door salespeople come around.It’s high time, here in 2006, to be able to politely say "no" at my own front door, guilt-free, and carry on with my business; no more reading pamphlets on my doorstep delivered by well-meaning churches while I shiver in my nightgown. I have my own church, and everyone will just have to deal with it! No more trying out vacuums in my pajamas, no more signing petitions when I’m sick and have said I’m sick. After reading this I realize I should, however, get dressed a little more.

Resolution #3: No more letting the gas tank dwindle down to below E. "Oh, I know this car, it won’t let me down - you know, each car has its own "E", is my famous saying when concerned parties (my husband) tell me to go get gas. Untrue! E means E starting now, baby!

Resolution #4: Stop pretending that I work out: This is the year for honesty - and for working out. As it stood in 2005, when I said, "I just got back from the gym," I meant two months ago I just got back from the gym. 2006? Real sweat and tears. Yes, ma’am!

Resolution #6: Change the cat litter more.Not much to say here, except maybe "I’m sorry," to two cats I know.

Resolution # 7: Start making school lunches the night before, and have milk money ready. I’m tired of fishing in my clothes dryer’s lint trap for change in the morning. (Have you ever noticed that money smells so good, though?) The school told me they won’t take personal checks for $2.50 anymore, anyway - at least not four times a week.

Resolution #8: Stop doing so much shopping at CVS. You can get everything there, and it sucks you in! When you have more than toiletries in your cart (come on, if youneed a cart in CVS!) you’ve gone too far - when you’re unloading not only shampoo and razors but Ritz crackers, raisins, toilet paper, a novel, bricks for building, pet treats, utility flashlights, etc. - you need to shop at a few more places in addition to CVS. Just don’t tell them I said so.

Resolution #9: Start taking off my make-up at night, and moisturizing. The other night, I put face cream on my face and my skin sucked it up like the Sahara sucks up rain; in fact, you could even hear a comical, cartoonish sucking noise as my skin drank it in. It’s time to make more time for myself! (If I didn’t talk to strangers so much, I’d have all the time I need, see Resolution #2.) Also, ladies, it never hurts to take off our make-up at night; we don’t really look good in it after we’ve slept in it; no one likes to talk to a crooked face in the morning, and it can even be scary if you’re under 3 years old.

Resolution #10: Search out the person who needs me:This year, I hope I shut out a lot of the white noise that increasingly takes up so much of our average, middle-class lives, and try to hear a voice that really needs me. It might be at a shelter, it might be someone who’s homeless, it might be the man in front of me at Bagel World who just lost his wife and can’t believe he’s even standing on two feet, it might even be someone in my own family, someone who is 10 feet away - or many miles away - and wondering what to say that others will hear - finally. God, just let this be the year I hear that tentative voice stronger and more clearly than all the sounds I will hear this year.

Happy New Year, everyone - and thanks for reading!